By: Dillon Wyckoff
Editor: Debra Childs
You never expect to outlive your children. You don’t expect to outlive your two year old son.
Mason
was my world, my best friend, my whole life. There aren’t really any
words that can be used to describe the loss of a child, especially when
it is so senseless. A loss that, in my eyes, could have been prevented.
The birth of my son was the proudest moment of my life. He was so beautiful. So perfect. So completely innocent.
Stephanie
and I were together for two years when Mason was born. She had some
emotional issues that got progressively worse during her pregnancy. We
never planned to raise a child in a broken home, but that became a
reality for us in the fall of 2015. Little Mason wasn’t even 2 years
old.
I moved out of our home, and my struggle to help Stephanie,
and to protect our son, began. What I didn’t know, was that, in Iowa,
if a couple is not married, custody is automatically granted to the
mother. That terrified me. Stephanie was not mentally stable. She
knew, but refused to get help. I think she thought she would be able to
get it under control. But, leaving Mason alone in her care utterly
terrified me. I was determined to do everything I could to protect my
little blue-eyed boy and give him the safe, happy childhood he
deserved. As his father, I didn’t expect to be limited in my ability to
do so.
For over a year, I tried to get her help. My whole family
tried. This turned our world upside-down. It consumed us every second
of every day. We went to seven different police departments, the
courts, and the Iowa Department of Human Services, telling them all
about Stephanie’s mental health issues.
In September, when
Stephanie threatened to drive her car into Saylorville Lake, taking
Mason’s life and her own, I desperately called 9-1-1 pleading for help,
asking that she be involuntarily committed for mental health problems.
She was committed briefly, but with the help of a woman’s crisis
advocate, she was able to get the case dismissed within a week. We were
then told that we were overreacting, and that we have to wait for
“something to happen” in order for them to act.
I did everything
in my power to save my son’s life, hitting barriers at every turn. On
Saturday, July 22, just after 10AM, Mason passed, found near his
unresponsive mother, who died at the hospital days later, both from
oxycodone overdoses. Murder-suicide. It was a well thought-out, well
planned, and calculated murder-suicide. It was the outcome I always
feared. My little boy was only 2 years old.
Our family and friends are devastated, broken. Mason was a vibrant
little boy. From his bright blue eyes, to his round rosy cheeks, and
his angelic smile that lights up a room. His laugh contagious. He
loved baseball, swimming and flying kites. It is so important for us
that his memory live on. That his little, precious life was not taken
in vain.
While trying to mourn the loss of my son, I am speaking
out to anyone and everyone who will listen. Something needs to be done
to prevent this from ever happening to another child. In the past 5
years, 27 children have been killed by their parents in the state of
Iowa alone!
A once quiet and reserved guy, I am emphatically
stepping into the public eye promoting change in child custody laws and
mental healthcare reform.
At a recent family law summit held at
the Iowa Capitol, I addressed Iowa lawmakers and constituents to
encourage changes to the state’s child custody laws. For years,
father’s rights activists have been trying to pass legislation to grant
joint physical custody for children of divorce in Iowa; in fact, last
session, the bill passed in the Iowa House, but did not advance in the
Senate. If it had passed, would my son be alive today? That is a
question that will play in my mind for the rest of my life.
Politicians, lawyers, and the Iowa State Bar Association have already
spoken out in opposition of such a law. I will continue in the fight.
I’m
also bringing awareness to mental healthcare reform, in hopes for
greater access and funding for mental health treatment. We need a means
for treatment, before another tragedy!
This is how I will honor
my son. This is how I will honor my beloved son’s precious life and let
his memory live on. This is not just something that has “happened to
me”. This is now a part of who I am.
Read more about Dillon's story:
News articles:
http://www.kcci.com/news/family-says-grimes-toddler-died-from-drug-overdose-last-month/41189558
http://www.kcci.com/news/grimes-mothers-cause-of-death-released/41216240?src=app
http://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/politics/2016/08/19/father-dead-toddler-pleads-legislators-update-iowa-custody-laws/89012116/?hootPostID=eaef72fe0539db619755581f7abe866d
