Author: Peter (Stock image to protect identity)
Editor: Ben Williams, 5/19/2016
My
daughter's mother is a state employee who had always been the primary
source of our family's income. Since my ex-wife had a comfortable job
with great benefits, this made it possible for me to be a stay-at-home
father for our two daughters until three years ago when our divorce
started...
Almost three years ago, July 23, 2013, I
found out my wife was cheating on me. I was in complete shock and was
heartbroken. I didn't know how to handle it, we had two kids, a house,
and had built a life together over our 13 years of marriage. I didn't
know how to approach her, she never showed any signs of cheating, I
thought everything was perfectly fine until the day I found out.
For
a week, I was a complete mess, I spent a lot of time thinking
everything over and trying to get a hold of the whole situation. A week
later, I finally thought everything through and decided to approach her
in order to talk about it. Little did I know that this is where my world
would spiral out of control. I had thought long and hard and was
willing to forgive her, for our children, as long as she promised to
stop, but once I brought up the subject, she lashed out in a fit of
rage. She began screaming and throwing things while blaming it all on
me; she ended it all by taking our two daughters and leaving our home.
She told me if I tried to do anything, such as file for divorce she
would accuse me of the most horrific things imaginable. She told me I
should plan on never seeing our daughters again and to just "let them
be". I watched as my daughters left, crying and confused. All I could do
was yell "I love you" to them as they were taken away.
The next
few weeks, I spent trying to plead and beg her and her family to let me
see my babies. I fell into a deep depression, my life around me had
disintegrated. My wife and my precious babies were gone in an instant.
On August 20, 2013, I received a knock on the door to find a sheriff who
served me with my ex-wife's restraining order and divorce papers.
Scared and filled with worry and anxiety, I began sifting through the
papers. As I began reading, my heart and stomach simultaneously sank
when I came across the words "he has made me stay silent as he molested
our daughters for years" and "he threatened to kill us all if I ever
told anyone."
My heart was pounding, my mind was racing, and tears
instantly began flowing down my face. How was I going to defend myself
again these allegations? My daughters were subjected to both physical
and psychological testing due to these allegations which absolutely
broke my heart. I cannot imagine the fear, confusion, and stress they
went through during those tests.
The last three years have been a
nightmare to say the least. I went over 6 months without seeing my two
daughters, and after we were reunited, we were restrained to one
supervised visit every-other-weekend. This took place in a supervised
facility where we were watched like a hawk by a social worker who took
notes the entire time. My daughters were a little timid at first, scared
and confused. Further, I was not allowed to give them hugs or kisses,
as that was "inappropriate given the circumstances." These supervised
visits lasted until our final trial, and upon the allegations being
unfounded, I was given every-other-weekend with my daughters.
There
is no doubt my daughters have undergone severe mental and emotional
abuse, their display of confusion, stress, anxiety, and at times fear of
me, has been almost unbearable. I would say, I am extremely lucky in
the sense that I had 7 and 10 years with my two daughters where I was
with them day in and day out, besides school. I woke them up, made
breakfast, packed their lunches, brought them to school, picked them up,
did their homework with them, played with them, and read them bedtime
stories. I believe this ultimately played a big part in helping us
overcome all of the false allegations and fears that have been implanted
into their innocent minds.
I went from being their primary
caregiver to being treated as a criminal living on the outside. Being
constrained to supervised visits with my daughters and now
every-other-weekend. I have done nothing to deserve this and more
importantly my daughters have done nothing to deserve this. Their mother
cheating on me was not their fault, our divorce was not their fault,
the false allegations were not their fault; yet they are the ones
suffering the most. Missing out on the strong bond and relationship we
once had and now still working to recover and rebuild from the damage
that has been done.
There are so many of us who have similar
stories, who sit in silence and in grief, are filled with pain, anxiety,
embarrassment, and heartache, just trying to make it through. Time to
Put Kids First has given me a place where I feel as though I am not
alone, a place where I am surrounded by other parents who have been
subjected to similar struggles, and they have given me strength. For
now, the high stress of court is over, and I feel I can focus on
continuing to strengthen the relationship with my daughters, rebuild our
life, and prepare for what the future has in store.
