Author: Anonymous
Editor: Ben Williams
Date: 9/1/2016
It has taken me three years to share my story in a public forum, but I
want to encourage others to keep fighting and to make sure they know
that they aren’t alone.
My name is Daniel. When my step son was
22, he got a girl pregnant, and they didn't want to keep the baby.
Without my approval, his mother (my wife at the time) decided that she
wanted to raise the baby. I already knew our marriage was ending, but
when she brought that sweet baby girl home from the hospital, I
immediately fell in love, so we legally adopted her, and I remained in
the marriage.
That precious little girl, Haley, was my buddy. We
went everywhere together. If I wasn't at work, she was with me. I
still knew it was best to end the unhappy marriage, but when Haley was
only 5 year’s old, my ex was diagnosed with cancer. There was no way I
could leave her during that time. While helping her through chemo and
radiation, I was Haley’s sole care giver. We would stay at the
hospital, sleeping on the cot together next to her mom.
After the
cancer threat was gone and my ex was stronger, I decided it was finally
time to end the marriage. The unhappiness was not a good, healthy
environment for Haley, and I knew divorce was best for all of us.
I
moved into an apartment, and the alienation started almost immediately.
The time apart was excruciating. Silence was deafening. My ex
“allowed” me to take Haley for an hour or so at a time, but she could
not stay with me overnight.
Due to my naivety, I was in default in
my first court hearing, and the judgment gave any and all visitation at
my ex’s discretion, she was granted the house and truck that we
purchased together while married, and she would receive both spousal and
child support, totaling $2,800 per month.
So, my time was not
only limited, but it was stated in the order that visitation was at my
ex’s discretion, there was nothing I could do about her denying my
time. In May of 2014, I started dating, and that's when it really got
bad. Haley was completely withheld from me.
Through years of
denied visits, delayed court tactics, limited time, and verbal abuse by
both my ex and daughter, I was given a "step up" plan, increasing our
time together over a period of several months, with no time during
holidays, not even Father’s Day, and with the requirement that I
confirmed each “visit” 48 hours or more in advance.
Denying of
“visitation” started immediately of course, but when I finally got to
bring her home, we had such a great time. We had one day of joy where
she played on a trampoline with my girlfriend’s daughter, and we all
made cookies together. It was a great day full of talking, playing and
laughter. But, then the next time she came, she was different. She
wouldn't jump on the trampoline because her mother told her it was
dangerous, she would not engage in conversation at all, and she wouldn’t
smile. She preferred to sit alone on her phone the whole time.
A
month later, when arriving at our next approved “visit”, I was again
denied time with my daughter, and threatened with court and a call to
the police. Due to all of the times I have been denied my time, I have
only completed 2 visitations of the first part of the step up plan, and
it has been 7 months.
My daughter no longer calls me Dad. She was
told that I am not blood, so she says that I’m not her father, she
hates me, and she just wishes that I would disappear. She doesn't want
to go with me anymore, and she even yells at me on the phone.
This
has been the most painful, devastating experience imaginable. I am
constantly haunted by this every second of every day. I miss her, and
it breaks my heart every time my baby girl, my buddy, says she hates
me. This experience has brought me to wanting to take my own life, but
what has saved me is the realization that my baby girl doesn’t hate me.
My daughter has been manipulated. I can’t leave this world when my
daughter needs me more than ever! I can’t give up on her, ever. I need
to continue to show her what real love is, how to treat those you love,
and that no matter what she says or does, I will always love her
unconditionally. That is what she needs from me!
I
see so many others going through what my daughter and I are doing
through. I feel a call from God to help. I don't ever want my kids to
have to go through this heart ache with their kids, I don’t want any
child to. I need to take action and try to make this right for others!
