A Second Chance: The End of Alienation for One Family

By: T. Ritter
Editor: Ben Williams

 Every single time I hear a story of a child being played like a pawn by one of the two people who are supposed to love him/her more than life itself, it makes my insides crumple like a piece of paper.

 I hurt for the parent that is using the child as a pawn- because they obviously don’t have the resources they need. And I hurt for the parent that is being played- because a lot of the time, it feels out of their hands. .....But mostly, I hurt for the innocent child that is being ripped apart from the inside out. The child that still loves and needs both parents (and extended family), even after they don't love each other.

 *I* once was the parent that thought I was the Supreme Being. I listened and held my child while he cried for his other parent; his other parent who was more than able, willing, and more than hurting as I "allowed" him and his new wife the bare minimum appointed by the courts. We were in constant turmoil. We were short with one another. I cried all of the time, in what I thought was private. My son was going to a children's hospital to figure out his unexplained constant stomach pain.

Then, I met some people.
I met a dad that had lost his wife, and was doing it alone.
I met divorced dads who just wanted to see their kid(s).
I talked with a step-mother who helped me to see her side of things.

 And I then realized what I was doing to everyone. It was ME. What a very... painful... epiphany. Not me! My now husband and I would never purposely hurt a child. I grew up with parents that didn't have the resources we do now, to openly communicate in efficient ways. There was a lot, a LOT of pain growing up due to the lack of co-parenting.

 So, we started to communicate. We educated ourselves and one another. We all knew this was not how we wanted to do this. None of us signed up for this...especially not our child. OUR child, all four of ours. And you know what? Our son's stomach issues disappeared.

I still get some flack sometimes....
"I couldn't do it.”
“How do you give up that much time with your child?”
“That's so weird that you guys like each other.”
“If you wanted it to be like this, maybe you should have stayed married.”

 That last one makes me smile. Because we all know that having a child together is more of a unity than marriage ever dreamed of being. Co-parenting? Co-parenting is bigger than unity. It's FAMILY.

 Spread awareness and please share. For the love of your children, spread awareness of the concept of co-parenting and throwing those court mandated rules out the window. Our children deserve so much more.