Married Stay-at-Home Dad to Divorced Every-Other-Weekend Dad

Author: Peter (Stock image to protect identity)
Editor: Ben Williams, 5/19/2016

 My daughter's mother is a state employee who had always been the primary source of our family's income. Since my ex-wife had a comfortable job with great benefits, this made it possible for me to be a stay-at-home father for our two daughters until three years ago when our divorce started...

 Almost three years ago, July 23, 2013, I found out my wife was cheating on me. I was in complete shock and was heartbroken. I didn't know how to handle it, we had two kids, a house, and had built a life together over our 13 years of marriage. I didn't know how to approach her, she never showed any signs of cheating, I thought everything was perfectly fine until the day I found out.

 For a week, I was a complete mess, I spent a lot of time thinking everything over and trying to get a hold of the whole situation. A week later, I finally thought everything through and decided to approach her in order to talk about it. Little did I know that this is where my world would spiral out of control. I had thought long and hard and was willing to forgive her, for our children, as long as she promised to stop, but once I brought up the subject, she lashed out in a fit of rage. She began screaming and throwing things while blaming it all on me; she ended it all by taking our two daughters and leaving our home. She told me if I tried to do anything, such as file for divorce she would accuse me of the most horrific things imaginable. She told me I should plan on never seeing our daughters again and to just "let them be". I watched as my daughters left, crying and confused. All I could do was yell "I love you" to them as they were taken away.

 The next few weeks, I spent trying to plead and beg her and her family to let me see my babies. I fell into a deep depression, my life around me had disintegrated. My wife and my precious babies were gone in an instant. On August 20, 2013, I received a knock on the door to find a sheriff who served me with my ex-wife's restraining order and divorce papers. Scared and filled with worry and anxiety, I began sifting through the papers. As I began reading, my heart and stomach simultaneously sank when I came across the words "he has made me stay silent as he molested our daughters for years" and "he threatened to kill us all if I ever told anyone."

 My heart was pounding, my mind was racing, and tears instantly began flowing down my face. How was I going to defend myself again these allegations? My daughters were subjected to both physical and psychological testing due to these allegations which absolutely broke my heart. I cannot imagine the fear, confusion, and stress they went through during those tests.

 The last three years have been a nightmare to say the least. I went over 6 months without seeing my two daughters, and after we were reunited, we were restrained to one supervised visit every-other-weekend. This took place in a supervised facility where we were watched like a hawk by a social worker who took notes the entire time. My daughters were a little timid at first, scared and confused. Further, I was not allowed to give them hugs or kisses, as that was "inappropriate given the circumstances." These supervised visits lasted until our final trial, and upon the allegations being unfounded, I was given every-other-weekend with my daughters.

 There is no doubt my daughters have undergone severe mental and emotional abuse, their display of confusion, stress, anxiety, and at times fear of me, has been almost unbearable. I would say, I am extremely lucky in the sense that I had 7 and 10 years with my two daughters where I was with them day in and day out, besides school. I woke them up, made breakfast, packed their lunches, brought them to school, picked them up, did their homework with them, played with them, and read them bedtime stories. I believe this ultimately played a big part in helping us overcome all of the false allegations and fears that have been implanted into their innocent minds.

 I went from being their primary caregiver to being treated as a criminal living on the outside. Being constrained to supervised visits with my daughters and now every-other-weekend. I have done nothing to deserve this and more importantly my daughters have done nothing to deserve this. Their mother cheating on me was not their fault, our divorce was not their fault, the false allegations were not their fault; yet they are the ones suffering the most. Missing out on the strong bond and relationship we once had and now still working to recover and rebuild from the damage that has been done.

 There are so many of us who have similar stories, who sit in silence and in grief, are filled with pain, anxiety, embarrassment, and heartache, just trying to make it through. Time to Put Kids First has given me a place where I feel as though I am not alone, a place where I am surrounded by other parents who have been subjected to similar struggles, and they have given me strength. For now, the high stress of court is over, and I feel I can focus on continuing to strengthen the relationship with my daughters, rebuild our life, and prepare for what the future has in store.