Author: Sean, stock image to protect identity
Editor: Ben Williams, 5/16/2016
I am a parent that receives the standard "every-other-weekend" with my daughter who is now 3 years old. My daughter's mother works Monday to Friday from 8am until 4:30pm while I work Monday to Friday 10pm until 6am. In short, common sense would say, our schedules couldn't be more perfect for a shared parenting schedule, right? So, why am I relegated to every-other-weekend and my daughter isn't given adequate time with her father?
I asked the courts for equal time, because that is what is best for our daughter. The courts stated that equal time or as they say: "bouncing between households" and "living out of a suitcase" was not in our daughter's best interest.
So let me see if I'm getting this right... Our daughter can "bounce" or "live out of a suitcase" going to childcare everyday, but cannot come spend the day with me, her father? How does this make any sense? How can this be acceptable? I am absolutely free the entire time my daughter is at daycare, yet, I cannot be a parent to her during that time. Is it just me or is something wrong here?
To add insult to injury, this daycare that my daughter is at approximately 20 days a month, costs me almost $300 a week for her to be there! Wouldn't it make sense for us to save our money and my daughter to spend time with me instead? Not only could we have more time, grow our relationship, and decrease her risk of a long list of societal problems linked to fatherless homes, but, I could be saving for her college, saving for her first car, and other necessary things for when she is older.
Instead my daughter is at daycare while I'm left with a copious amount of free-time. If they find me capable enough to have her every-other-weekend, how can I not have more time? The logic and thought process behind this is absurd. The courts simply said: "it is the mother's choice what she does while the child is in her care." Then, almost in the same breathe, ordered me to pay the daycare costs!
Having to pay $1200 a month in child care plus $525 a month in child support leaves me financially ruined. I am maxed out on the pay scale at my job, who I have been employed by for the last 17 years and this equates to more than half of my take home pay. The courts tell me: "get a new job." It isn't their choice; I have been there for 17 years, I love my job and my co-workers, we are treated well and that is hard to find these days. Why should I be driven to change my life because they want to take half of my income? I can't put away any savings for mine and my daughter's future and I can hardly do anything fun or special for us now, because the money I have left goes to paying for bills and necessities.
I have already lost the house, vehicle, and other belongings, but more importantly, I have lost my way of life, my freedom to live life how I want, I can't parent how I want to because I fear more false allegations and lastly and most importantly, I have totally and completely lost the right to be a parent. I only have my daughter 4 days a month whereas the childcare workers have her 20 days a month. The childcare workers have more of an impact and a say in my daughter's life and upbringing than I do. The courts have completely stripped me of my right to raise my daughter, my own flesh and blood, and there is nothing I can do about it.
I just want to be a parent! Tell me how this is fair, tell me how this is in my daughter's "best interest."